Should Teens Be Able to Fly Solo On Family Vacations?

Vacations offer families a chance to get out and create core memories together, but what happens when a teen wants to opt out of certain activities and potentially explore something else? A new survey reveals parents have varying comfort levels and preferences for allowing teens to “fly solo” on vacations.

According to a national sample of more than 1,000 parents of children ages 13 to 18, 81% of parents have taken an overnight trip with their teen in the last two years. Nearly 1 in 5 of these parents (19%) say they’ve never let their teens be away from them while on vacation.

Experts suggest putting themselves in their teens’ favorite pair of walking shoes (or flip flops).

“Teens, even when beginning to enter their tweens, are in a crucial phase of developing autonomy, identity, and decision-making skills to find their place in this world,” says  Danielle Bishop, LMHC, a licensed mental health counselor specializing in family counseling for Thriveworks. “Vacations, while being family-oriented, can be a valuable opportunity to support and exercise this growth by allowing age-appropriate independence. When parents are attuned to what’s developmentally appropriate, they can strike a balance between ensuring safety, fostering growth, and strengthening their relationship with their teen.”

However, experts navigating independently-minded teens on vacation can feel like an adventure to parents who understandably want to keep everyone safe. They shared insights on the new survey, as well as tips for parents on determining when and how to give teens alone time on vacation. 

What the Survey Says About Traveling With Teens

Among the parents who have taken at least an overnight vacation with their teen in the last two years, about one-third (32%) report they insist their teens engage with the family during the trip. However, 64% responded that they prefer it but don’t force it, while 4% said they don’t care either way.

In other words? Like so many aspects of parenting, “Parental expectations vary when it comes to how engaged teens should be during these trips,” says Zishan Khan, MD, a board-certified child, adolescent, and adult psychiatrist with Mindpath Health. ”The poll also highlights parental concerns around safety and behavior, especially in unsupervised settings.”

For instance, per the survey, fewer than half of parents said they would be very likely to let a teen:

• Stay in the room while they went down for breakfast at the same hotel (46%).
• Stay in the hotel room while they were out to dinner (29%).
• Walk a short distance to a coffee shop (31%).
• Go to a museum or amusement park sans parents (21%).

“Many parents are cautious about letting their teen be alone, even in low-risk situations like hotel breakfasts or museum visits,” says Sanam Hafeez, PsyD, a New York City-based neuropsychologist and the director of Comprehend the Mind.

However, comfort levels also varied by age and gender. For instance, parents were more inclined to tell their 13- to 15-year-old teens they couldn’t be alone on vacation (24%) than their 16- to 18-year-old teens (12%). 

Plus, parents expressed different concerns based on the sex of the teen. Parents of teenage girls were more worried about their daughters being approached by strangers (70% vs. 41%) and getting scared (37% vs. 21%) than parents of teenage boys. However, parents of teen boys expressed greater concerns about their sons doing something dumb (47% vs. 36%).

“These concerns mirror the expectations society sets and the actual experiences individuals face in their daily lives,” Dr. Hafeez shares. “Because girls learn caution as they grow up, their parents become more concerned about their safety and interactions with strangers. Parents tend to worry about boys acting recklessly or pushing boundaries because they are frequently given more freedom.”

Dr. Hafeez notes that the concerns are valid and highlight the distinct ways we continue to socialize and manage independence based on sex.

The Pros and Cons of Granting Independence to Teens on Vacation

Vacations often occur when school is out of session, but they also offer life lessons, not just from opportunities to see historical sites. Bonnie Scott, MA, LPS-C, a therapist and founder of Mindful Kindness Counseling, says raising an independent and reliable teenager is an ongoing job for parents. And vacation provides an opportunity for everyone to grow.

“They need a safety net to practice, and vacation can be useful for that because we can set clear parameters and see how teens respond outside of their normal routines,” Scott says. “Being able to gradually provide chances for independence and good decisions is important, so we don’t have to set them free all at once when they turn 18.”

Still, that doesn’t mean Scott doesn’t empathize with respondents to the Mott Poll and other parents with similar concerns. There’s validity.

“The main pitfall is that teens can be impulsive, so even if we’ve set clear expectations, the novelty of a situation that could arise on vacation might override their commitment to our boundaries,” Scott says.

Still, Scott points out that this is always a risk with teens, regardless of location, but the stakes feel understandably higher when families are away from home.

“Novelty and risk-taking are very appealing for a lot of adolescents,” Scott says. “It’s a bit exacerbated on vacation because we may be unfamiliar with locations or local rules, so that risk-taking could be more complicated to recover from.”

Finding a Balance on Vacation

Experts agree that giving teens a chance to spread their wings and opt out of an event (or do something on their own) is a tricky proposition. However, done with intention and boundaries, it can be beneficial for families. They share tips for determining whether to let a teen have alone time and some (out-of-house) rules to keep them safe and honest.

Determine if your teen is ready

Age was a significant factor mentioned in the Mott Poll, with parents of younger teens expressing more concerns about their children engaging in solo activities. However, Dr. Khan says there are other key factors. In fact? Age can be “just a number” for some teens.

“Some 14-year-olds are far more emotionally and cognitively prepared than others,” Dr. Khan says. 

Therefore, Dr. Khan suggests considering a teen’s maturity level and:

• How well they follow rules and demonstrate responsibility at home (especially when alone).
• Past behavior in public and unfamiliar settings (such as staying in touch, remaining calm, and effectively navigating situations).
• Their comfort level (“If they’re anxious or disinterested in an activity, forcing participation can backfire,” Dr. Khan says.)

Set ground rules

More than half of the Mott survey respondents who let their teens have independence on vacation reported:

• Requiring teens to check in via phone (64%).
• Asking them to stay with friends or siblings (62%).
• Staying in the previously agreed-on spots (55%).
• Using the tracking feature on their teens’ phones when they were away from their parents (59%).

Dr. Hafeez agrees that boundaries and communication are essential, and they are a two-way street. She suggests:

• Letting teens know where you will be and how long you’ll be gone.
• Having them respond to check-ins when you leave and when you say you’re coming back.
• Requiring their phone to remain on, charged, and within reach.
• Requiring teens to answer the text or phone calls right away (“This is not about control—it’s about safety and communication,” Dr. Hafeez clarifies.)
• Clearly state that they should not go to an area other than the agreed-upon ones without permission, even if someone invites them to do so.
• Remind them not ot open the hotel room door unless you’ve discussed it in advance.
• Use headphones when watching shows or listening to music in the hotel or areas with people around, out of respect for others.
• Explain that independence and trust are privileges. (“If they follow the rules and show maturity, they earn more freedom,” Dr. Hafeez notes. “If they do not, you adjust.”)

Times to Say No or ‘Not This Time’

There’s value in independence, but ditto for exercising some caution.

“Generally, it is not recommended for teens to ‘fly solo’ in large, crowded, unfamiliar locations or in what one might consider a high-risk environment,” Bishop says.

For instance, Bishop says these locations might include:

• Isolated locations without reliable cell service.
• Solo ride shares.
• Activities that require adult supervision due to physical risk are not ideal for teens to navigate alone (like skydiving).

Dr. Khan also agrees there’s a difference between a quiet resort room and a crowded city center.

Mood and emotional well-being are also important to note.

“If a teen is emotionally distressed or becomes overwhelmed by sensory input, it is probably better to keep them close,” Bishop shares. “Remember, it’s OK to say, ‘Not this time,’ if the setting or behavior doesn’t feel right, but it can assist them in continuing to grow for further opportunities for them to shine.”