We’re taking our kids on a surprise trip to Disney World. It’ll anger everyone.

Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Ashley C. Ford is filling in as Prudie for Jenée Desmond-Harris while she’s on parental leave. Submit questions here.

Dear Prudence,

We are taking our children on a surprise and long-planned trip to Disney World. Our loving, but boundary-lacking, extended family has a history of going to Disney World together in groups of 10 or more. We treasure those memories but did not want the chaos of taking our small children to the parks with a large group. What is the most respectful and kind way to share the news with our family while preserving our peace? We’re leaning toward telling everyone after the trip is over because we have legitimate concerns that they would try to attend with us or cause a conflict during our vacation.

—Wannabe Clandestine Mouseketeer

Dear Clandestine Mousketeer,

If you want to offer an explanation, let your family members know after the trip that in an attempt to preserve the surprise for your children, you waited until you were already on the way before telling them—and anyone else, for fear that family might spoil the news—that they were going to Disney World. I’m sure some family will say that they would have gone if you’d told them, or that they wish they could have been there at the same time, to which you can express your own “regret” and say, “Yeah, maybe next time.”

Wanting to go on a smaller, quieter family trip because that’s what sounded like the best idea for YOUR kids and partner is not just OK, it’s part of the job of raising a family. If your extended relatives take issue with that, I’m sure there will be opportunities to talk it out. Just remember, you don’t owe anybody information about your family vacation, or need permission to do it the way you see fit. But you also can’t control how upset they might become when you do.

Dear Prudence, 

I have a co-worker who wants to be besties. I enjoy her (at work!). On my days off, I like doing my own thing (even if that “thing” is absolutely nothing). We have a special camaraderie since we’re the only single people at work. How do I express my desire to leave our friendship to the workplace and the occasional, silly texts?

—Introvert Needing Space

Dear Introvert Needing Space,

Do you think your friendly co-worker could hear that you like to keep your work and non-work relationships separate and accept that? I’ll bet she can. I think you should just be honest with her. This is someone you enjoy spending time with exclusively in a workplace context, and there’s nothing wrong with making the personal decision that you don’t want to take this friendship any further as long as you share an employer. Lots of people choose to separate their work life from their personal life in this way, and for many of them, it’s for the best.

If you feel comfortable doing so, share your reasoning for this decision so she can have a better understanding of your position. Explain that it isn’t personal, and you very much enjoy her company, but this isn’t a boundary you like to cross with anyone. If she’s inviting you out, and you’re consistently declining, she may be imagining much harsher explanations for why that’s the case. Letting her know where you stand will give you both some peace of mind. Then, keep chatting with her when you see her in the halls and inviting her to the occasional work lunch, so it’s clear that you really do enjoy her company, just strictly at the water cooler.

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Dear Prudence,

I invited my sister, her husband, and their three cats to come to our pet-free home during Hurricane Milton. My only request was that she keep them and their litter boxes in my bathroom. She said that the three cats had to be kept separated. I only have three bathrooms, but I told her we would work it out. Then she called and asked if her daughter, son-in-law, and their six cats and a dog could come. Once again, I said yes, but that they would have to go in the garage. I have a three-car garage that has a painted floor that looks like terrazzo. It’s nicer than some people’s apartments—plus it has hurricane-proof doors with floor locks. I was willing to put our two cars into my neighbor’s garage, which does not have hurricane-proof doors.

This was not an acceptable option to anyone. I don’t live on Noah’s Ark and this isn’t the Hilton. But I thought my offer was fair under the circumstances. My garage is much safer than my niece’s house, who just borrowed two sheets of plywood two days before the storm. Their dog pees on something in my sister’s house every time he is there, and both my sister and my niece have claw marks all over their furniture from their cats. I just couldn’t picture nine cats and a dog running loose in my house along with six adults when the power went out. Now they aren’t speaking to me. I don’t think they have the right to come to my house and tell me what to do. Plus, my niece was originally going to go to a shelter. Did she think they were going to let her pets run loose?

—Am I the Bad Guy Here?

Dear Am I,

I hope you and your family all safely rode out the storm. You are not the villain here, by any measure, but this isn’t really an issue of who is or isn’t at fault. Your family members found themselves in a scary situation with limited options, and unfortunately, also an abundance of audacity. You offered what you could in tumultuous circumstances, and set a reasonable limit for how overwhelmed you were willing to be in your own home during a massive weather event.

I’m an animal lover, but nine cats and dogs running around my home during a blackout while I wait for a hurricane to make landfall would destroy any semblance of emotional steadiness I had. I do not begrudge you for not wanting to be in that position, and I am shocked that your family members weren’t concerned about the potential issues with their plan. In my kindest reading of the situation, I can chalk it up to charged emotions and high amounts of stress clouding their judgment. I hear you when it comes to the safety of your garage, but maybe they were worried about the space being a weak point in the home during a storm.

In the future, it might be helpful to reach out to family members in the days or weeks before a storm hits to coordinate who’s going where, and who can offer what resources to whomever else. Sometimes, setting expectations for what we can and are willing to provide way in advance helps us hold firm boundaries when the requests start to come in. My guess is that the hostility between you and your family members will likely dissipate on its own in time. In the meantime, you can rest assured that you haven’t wronged anyone.

—Ashley

Classic Prudie

What’s the most compassionate way to do a breakup that involves moving out when you don’t feel very safe? I can’t tell how much of this is in my head, but I do know I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. I (she/ her) and my boyfriend (he/him) have been together for two years, living together for 8 months. At first, we had insane chemistry and he made me laugh but things got rocky after we moved in together. He won’t do any cooking/cleaning, and his sarcastic edgy streak got mean.